Let’s talk about “Pre-Cheating”
I’ve been networking a lot this past week. I’ve gotten to know and meet a lot of different people. It has been amazing to see different people’s perspectives especially on relationships. I have found people who have almost the same perspective as me. I have met people who’s completely opposite of my views as well. This has made for interesting conversations. Today has been no exception.
I came across a status on social media about how some women are upset that their men are not calling or texting enough throughout the day. Now keep in mind that these men are not ignoring their women. They are simply busy. They are busy at work, they are busy with school, or whatever other things that are taking up time away from their women. Now keep in mind that the women know this about their man, but DON”T CARE. They still get upset when their boyfriend/husband/significant other doesn’t text or call them back in a certain amount of time. (Meaning right away or within an hour).
I can empathize with these girls because that is one of my biggest pet peeves! Whenever I text my husband I expect for him to text me back. Well truth of the matter is, sometimes I will NEVER get a response to my messages. This is real talk. I can text him a million messages and he won’t respond. He’s not avoiding me, he’s not ignoring me. Sometimes he simply just doesn’t have any response to what I’m saying, or he just simply doesn’t respond. This has been the basis of MANY arguments between us in the past. Like I mentioned before, it’s a HUGE pet peeve of mine.
I bet you’re thinking that maybe he’s purposely ignoring me or even worse…cheating. Why else wouldn’t he answer right? To quote someone who wrote this on social media…this is the precursor to “pre-cheating”. Yes I said that correctly…”pre-cheating”. I wish you could see the look on my face right now. What the hell is pre-cheating? But according to the women on this post, if a guy isn’t answering your right away, he’s pre-occupied with someone else or he’s already thinking about cheating…or already cheating. Now in defense of the men, there was a man who was defending himself on the post. He said that he was guilty of not returning a call or text right away or hours later, but he had a legit excuse. He said that he is honestly not talking to anyone, but trying to study. He’s trying to get his degree and sometimes he just shuts himself off from everything including his girlfriend. He even acknowledge that he needed to do better about it, but he was focused on the task at hand. The responses (all by women) ranged from support of what he’s doing to out right criticism. The critics stated that he wasn’t doing enough to “nurture” the relationship. They understood that he was busy and chasing his ambition, but they said he was being neglectful. One woman even compared him to President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama’s relationship!
Okay!
First off, why are you assuming the worst of someone when they don’t answer you right away? Why are you assuming that they are avoiding you or worse..cheating on you? That right there is a huge sign of insecurity. I have to admit that early on in my relationship that I had my doubts when my boyfriend wouldn’t answer the phone right away. We have a long distance relationship on top of that. So we wouldn’t see each other on a regular basis like most couples, so it’s very hard to NOT go there. It really is. I get it. I understand it completely. But then you have to think about it on the other side too. Ladies, how often have you NOT answered your texts and sometimes it can be hours before you get back? How often do you look at a message and be like “I’ll answer that later” and go about your business and then FORGET?
It happens. But that doesn’t mean that you are out there cheating on your man now does it? I watched throughout this social media post how some of the women were then attacking this man because he was clearly telling them what was actually going on as to why he wasn’t answering…and they didn’t want to hear that! In fact they were doing everything except calling this man a liar! They kept saying that he could take “5 seconds to respond back to the message.” In reference earlier to the President and First Lady Obama’s relationship…that is a bad comparison. Why? Because it’s the PRESIDENT. We have NO IDEA what goes on behind closed doors in their relationship. Throughout his term in office, they managed to keep their personal business out of the public eye. We have no idea when they were having marital problems. We have no idea when she was mad at him if he didn’t do something. We have no idea if he was upset with her for not doing something or not returning a phone call or performing her wife duties or he his husband duties. All we see is what is on tv and what pictures are released for us the public to view. They could’ve been headed to divorce court just as soon as he was out of office, but we would never know that because why? IT”S NOT OUR BUSINESS.
Since we can’t use their obvious relationship to compare, why not use one that you can compare…like your own? Ask yourself this question…”is it really that big of a deal if your boyfriend/husband/significant other doesn’t reply right away to a text that is just simple conversation?” If it’s an emergency you don’t text that..you CALL. Get upset if he forget something very important, like an anniversary or important event…not if he doesn’t text you. Get upset if he is ignoring your calls or not calling you back and it’s truly important. But for a text that is something that can obviously wait…it’s not worth the drama. Also don’t assume the worst either.
In my relationship with my husband we have had to work hard to trust each other. We lived 1500 miles away from one another at one point. We didn’t have the luxury of checking on each other or seeing each other on a daily basis outside of FaceTime or Skype. If he doesn’t answer me right away, he’s busy. If I don’t answer him right away..I’m busy. Not busy cheating, but we’re both busy individuals with things going on in our lives outside of each other. When I first met him, he was trying to find a better job and was also working in the sound ministry at his church. That required him to be away from his phone for hours at a time. During one of my visits to see him and going to service with him, I got to see first hand just how busy that job kept him. From setup to take down he was busy. I could text him and he would see that I had, but because he was required to pay attention to equipment, he couldn’t just take “5 seconds” and answer me like he wanted to. I would have to wait, especially if it was a text just saying “how’s your day going?”.
Pick your battles. Trust your significant other. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Simple words that truly mean a lot and require your time and patience for the life of your relationship.
You weren’t expecting that…
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